


With Direct Eyes

by Pukjie_Ainsel



Category: The Epic of Gilgamesh
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gen, Romantic Friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-10
Updated: 2015-05-10
Packaged: 2018-03-29 23:51:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3915331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pukjie_Ainsel/pseuds/Pukjie_Ainsel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>By the grace of the gods, Enkidu does not die. Surprisingly little changes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	With Direct Eyes

**Author's Note:**

  * For [goldenteaset](https://archiveofourown.org/users/goldenteaset/gifts).



> Title from The Hollow Men by T. S. Eliot.

Enkidu slept for seven days and seven nights. His wound, though grave, should not have been enough to kill him, but Ishtar’s anger pulled him down. His wound knitted, his lungs took air, but he was still as stone in his bed, for his soul had gone ahead too early. While Enkidu slept in his clean bed in the palace, he also walked the dry halls of the dead.

\---

All the days Enkidu slept, Gilgamesh went to the temples in the city. He visited each one and made an offering, asking for Enkidu to be spared. On the last day, he mustered up all his courage, and all of his humility, and went to the temple of Ishtar.

Shamhat was unsurprised to see him.

“I thought you would come sooner,” she said mildly.

“I had to think.”

“Do you want me to come with you?”

“Please.”

They went to the sacred place of Ishtar together. Gilgamesh kept his head humbly lowered. Deep in her heart, Shamhat was amazed that was physically possible.

Gilgamesh spoke first. “Lady, I apologize for all my disrespect. I will honor you forevermore. Enkidu tried to stop me. What will I do without him? Let him come back, greatest of women.”

Beside him, Shamhat spoke. “I was the one who brought Enkidu into the city. I tamed in, in your way, lover of lovers, in your image. Enkidu the man was made in honor of you.”

Gilgamesh, his voice rough with pain, said: “I would give anything to have him back again.”

They rose and retreated. Outside the temple, Shamhat said affectionately, “That was a foolish thing to say, but you have always been a foolish man.” She kissed him on his lowered forehead, and Gilgamesh returned to the palace.

\---

That night, the seventh night, Shamhat dreamed. In her dream, she was in the desert, sitting with a lion. Its eyes were blind, and it had a wound over its heart. The lion did not bleed, for its wound revealed that beneath the warm fur was only clay.

\---

That night, the seventh night, Gilgamesh dreamed. In his dream, he could not stand alone, and leaned on an axe until it broke, and he fell to the ground. When he tried to put the pieces back together they broke apart, and turned to dust.

Gilgamesh woke suddenly. He felt his godhood leave him. The feeling was indefinable, and as soon as it happened, he began to forget how it had felt to be two-thirds god. He slept again easily, sure that the price was worth the return of Enkidu.

\---

The next morning, when Gilgamesh went to Enkidu’s bed, he was curled on his side, facing away from the door. When Gilgamesh saw that Enkidu had moved for the first time in too long, he rushed across the room to his side.

“Oh, my friend, are you awake? It has been too long- Oh! I must go pay my respects.”

“Your respects? To who?” said Enkidu, still as rock.

“The gods, of course. I begged and begged, and finally they returned you to me.”

“It wasn’t worth it. Oh Gilgamesh, when I was there, I would have given anything to be alive again, but now…”

Enkidu turned, and finally looked at Gilgamesh. He flinched.

“I’m not really alive. My eyes are still dry with dust, my lungs still full of ash. The gods have cheated you Gilgamesh, your godhood was too much in exchange for this half-life.”

“Didn’t you miss me? I gave up my godhead for you, because I could not see myself without you! I- I feared I would be a mad boy-king again, feared and hated by his people. All my goodness was with you.”

“That isn’t true. And even if it was, I cannot help you now. Maybe I will improve, just- just stay near me. The world is too still when I am alone.”

\---

The next day Gilgamesh visited Shamhat, sick in his heart.

“Has he woken, Gilgamesh?”

“He has, but he is so sad and tired. He says he is not really alive, that he is still dead inside. When I look in his eyes, I can believe it. We fought- almost, but he was too weary for anger. You understand people, what should I do?”

“He is right, the dust of the dead is still in his eyes, and only time can heal him. You have depended on Enkidu since you met, and now he cannot help you. All you can do is wait.”

“How can I wait when my friend is suffering and I cannot heal him?”

\---

Gilgamesh did wait. He didn’t even last a week. Enkidu had apologized, they had laughed and talked almost as they used to, but the tension between them did not leave.

Five days after Enkidu woke up, Gilgamesh left the city of Uruk before the sun rose.

\---

The first person Gilgamesh met was Siduri, a young woman growing grapes by the river.

“Gilgamesh, king of Uruk, where are you going?”

“I go to find my ancestor Utnapishtim, who was granted immortality after the flood.”

“Why do you go there?”

“My greatest friend, Enkidu, has died and returned to me. Death lingers still inside him. I wish to find the secret to immortality to ease his fear and mine.”

“Oh Gilgamesh, turn back and return to your city! Life eternal will not help you. Stand by your great friend, do not let him drag you down, and he will pull himself up again with your help.”

“I am no worthy support, I cannot hold him up, I cannot ease his heart. And he is not alone, Shamhat is with him, she can help him more. I fear he hates me now, he will not meet my eyes, he shies away from my touch. It _is_ my fault he almost died, and there is nothing I can do to make things right.”

“I cannot make you turn back but I wish I could, most stubborn of kings.”

Gilgamesh laughed, accepted some of her wine and bread, and continued on his way.

\---

Well after the sun rose, Shamhat came to visit Enkidu.

“Hello my friend,” he said, rising from his bed, “I am glad to see you, but I must ask-”

“Where is Gilgamesh? He came to me last night and told me that he has left to find his ancestor Utnapishtim to find the secret of eternal life. He thinks it will help to ease your mind, and he fears death for the first time.”

“He goes on a fool’s errand. I will follow him tomorrow.”

“Are you sure? You need to rest.”

“How can I rest when my friend is suffering?”

\---

The second person Gilgamesh met was his ancestor Utnapishtim.

“Ancestor, please hear me. I want the secrets to eternal life, for myself and my beloved friend, my soul-brother, Enkidu.”

Utnapishtim sighed, told his wife they would need more dinner and let Gilgamesh in. While she cooked, they listened to Gilgamesh’s story. They took note of the weariness of his body, not used to pain. They saw the hope and fear in his voice, in his eyes clouded from travel. They heard his love for Enkidu and his anger at himself.

After dinner, Utnapishtim told Gilgamesh the tale of how Utnapishtim and his wife achieved immortality. When he finished, his eyes held Gilgamesh’s gaze. They were even darker than Enkidu’s.

“You cannot become immortal. Even my wife and I, even the gods, are not truly immortal. All will die and fall to dust. Even your great city will someday be covered in sand, its people lost to the world.”

Gilgamesh turned his face away in shame and fear.

“The only immortality is in what you do. Lead your people well, love your wife, care for your children, and you will be great.” With great gentleness he continued, “but for now I might know of something that could help your friend.”

“Please, I would do anything.”

“That is not a good promise to make, and you should never do so again. For your friend, there is a flower at the bottom of a well not far from here, that can heal and revitalize. It may work on problems of the mind and soul as well as the body. Stay here tonight, and you can look for it tomorrow.”

“Thank you, oh forefather of forefathers!”

Gilgamesh went to sleep that night with a lighter heart. He dreamed of sweet-scented flowers and a strong body beside his, of laughter and talk without pain. He tried to hold on to the dream as he woke, but the details slipped away like smoke. The hope remained.

\---

The first person Enkidu met was Siduri, the girl who grows grapes.

“Maiden, I follow my sworn-brother, Gilgamesh. Have you seen him?”

“Enkidu, I have seen him. He went across the water, yesterday before the sun had fully risen. He said he is afraid you hate him.”

“That,” said Enkidu with exasperated affection, “is exactly the reason I must find him.”

\---

The third person that Gilgamesh met was the snake.

He was tired after climbing in and out of the well to find the flower that revitalizes, and fell asleep as soon as he pulled himself out.

He woke when the snake moved next to him, cold and smooth. He stared, frozen in disbelief, as it ate the flower from his hand. It looked him in the eye, and then it slithered away.

Gilgamesh watched it leave. At last he understood.

\---

The second person Enkidu met was Utnapishtim.

“Grandfather, I seek my dear friend, Gilgamesh. Have you seen him?”

“He spent the last night at my house, and this morning went to seek the flower that revitalizes. We hoped it would help you, but I see you have pulled yourself out of bed.”

“How could I let my friend go on a fool’s journey alone?”

\---

Enkidu found Gilgamesh lying by the well. He stared up at the darkening sky with weary eyes.

“Enkidu. Why have you come? I have failed, I could not help you, my quest was truly hopeless. A snake ate the flower. It looked at me, and in its eyes I saw a thousand lives.”

“Yes, best beloved, it was. But I have talked with all the people you have met, and they told me of your pain. If you had waited by my side as I wished it would have hurt you. You have always needed action.”

“Truly, I wish I could have stayed with you in peace.”

Enkidu knelt by Gilgamesh and bent to kiss him thrice, once on each eyelid and once on his brow.

“What do you want to do now?”

Gilgamesh grasped Enkidu’s hand and pressed his lips against his knuckles.

“Enkidu, let’s go home.”

\---

Hail Gilgamesh, kings of kings.

Hail Enkidu, advisor of advisors.

Hail those who built tall the walls of Uruk, who irrigated the plains, who safeguarded the people.

Hail the husbands of wives, the fathers of children.

Hail the ones who saw far, who died happy, the ones whose names will be sung when all their work is dead and gone, naught but dust on the wind.


End file.
